The 3/3/3 Rule

This was originally sent as my Summer 2026 newsletter. Want monthly-ish reflections delivered to your inbox? Sign up here.

We recently adopted a new puppy, Josie, from an Alberta animal rescue organization, BARCs. As part of the adoption process, they shared a concept that momentarily floored me for its simple, logical, wide applicability.

According to these wise folks, dogs adapt to a new setting in 3 phases – the 3/3/3 mentioned above. 3 days, 3 weeks, 3 months. In the first 3 days, they settle in and just get used to all the new sights and smells. During this time, they can feel overstimulated or anxious and afraid, and go back and forth between overexcited and exhausted. During the first 3 weeks, they start to understand their new environment – they learn new rhythms and routines, and begin to show their true selves – they show up as more of themselves and less of their stressed, overstimulated selves. At 3 months, they finally feel like they are home. Routines are theirs, not adjustments they have to make. They are ready to settle in, build lasting relationships and open themselves to deep connection.

As I listened to Kylie from BARCs explain how to approach this critical time, I suddenly wondered why I hadn’t noticed those same rhythms in my own adjustment. While the rule refers to a single, big adjustment – moving to a new home - they resonated with me. I could relate to the disorientation I feel when I enter a new environment, and to the time it takes to sink in and feel fully at home. I could also recognize resonance in smaller moments of change – how I can sometimes be surprised to be struggling when I thought excitement would be all I would feel.

I’ve often seen this pattern in myself, from adjusting to being on holiday to adjusting to a new home. But never, not once, have I given myself permission to be more anxious, tired, or stressed during these transitions. I somehow have had an expectation that I should be grateful for the opportunity and that the adjustment should be fast and easy. I have definitely never taken the time to ask myself the important questions: What are my adjustment patterns? What do I need to adjust well in a new environment?

This pattern also shows up when I’m coaching people going through transitions. So many of us want to adjust quickly and deliver value from the very beginning. How might our transitions be different if we understood and honoured our patterns for landing in a new place? How do we bring kindness, intention and planning to these important moments of growth and learning?

Maybe we should spend more time understanding our transition patterns and building structures for intentional transitions that nurture us as we unfold into our new environments with understanding, kindness, and care.

For the moment, I have committed to paying attention to the transitions as they happen, to see what my pattern is. I plan to give myself some space the next time a bigger transition arrives, so I can build my version of the 3/3/3 rule into my planning and have the time and space to integrate the sights, sounds, and rhythms of new experiences into my world.

What are your experiences of transitions? How do you manage the early days after big changes? I would love to hear from you – about all these questions and whatever comes up for you as you read this.