Being Helped
This was originally sent as my April 2026 newsletter. Want monthly-ish reflections delivered to your inbox? Sign up here.
March felt like a lost month. My dad passed away in his sleep at the age of 99 after a short illness, which occupied much of my capacity and energy. I'm very fortunate — I got to have him for close to a century. But the grief of the last month made me reflect on how I let myself be supported, and the rules I have around receiving help.
As I continue to process the experience, there are questions that seem bigger than grief.
Where do we look for support in challenging times?
I found support in so many places — old friends, family, staff members at the facility. When I paid attention, people were unfailingly kind, caring and helpful. But it was when I got home again that the loss suddenly felt more real and profound. I had let myself be helped with the practical and pragmatic work of finalizing his affairs, but for the more vulnerable part of the loss — processing the feelings, figuring out how to get back into life — that felt more challenging. I had created an expectation that, once I was back on home ground, I would magically continue on as if nothing had changed. But once home, I felt like a woman swimming in molasses.
It took a kind friend sitting with me and making space for the reality of my struggle to acknowledge what was going on, and to start to let myself be here, in grief, and moving on.
I also leaned on AI. Truthfully. On days when I knew there was work to be done and my numb brain didn't know how, I asked AI to help me just figure out the next thing to do. It was interesting to let myself be led by a non-human helper for a minute — and it made the difference between feeling overwhelmed by emotion or by work.
How do we let ourselves be helped?
Of course, I can have all the help in the world, but unless I allow it to actually help, it doesn't! I have been hardwired to believe that autonomy is the holy grail of capacity. Between medicine and being the youngest child, I have a hard time imposing on others.
The experience of openly telling people I didn't know how to do things, letting them help me, trusting their help, and holding onto myself while it unfolded was revealing. I learned that being helped doesn't mean I failed at doing something — it meant I was succeeding at making things easier and more likely to happen in good time.
So many of my coaching conversations have elements of this question embedded in them: the tension that arises between the things we have to do and the help we are willing to accept.
What permissions do we need to change priorities when life happens?
I am a firm believer in Brené Brown's Permission Slip concept. I recognized that I would have to give myself permission to be helped if I was to navigate this time.
I have a few permission slips stuck to my computer right now. Reminders that I have permission to ask for help, permission to not do things that feel impossible right now, permission to start things even if they feel impossible, and permission to rest, go slow, be…
Permission felt vulnerable — like it challenged all the rules learned from a lifetime of muscling through hard times and just doing the next thing. I could feel the critic in me judging my performance, and often unkindly. That required another permission slip (and a little conversation with my inner critic): Permission to let go (once again) of performance as self-worth. (there she is — even here!) Permission to let grief be where my love shows up, and to let the slowness bring my dad closer to me.
It turns out that the combination is helping me find a new pace as I navigate the month. I am moving through things more slowly. I need a bit more connection and co-regulation than usual, and I need more time to just sit and be in myself. It's all part of what life is teaching me right now.
What lessons is life teaching you right now? What have you learned from grief? I'd love to hear from you - feel free to email me at cecile@cruxcoaching.ca.
If you're curious about what coaching could offer, I have a few exploration session spots available this month.
Book an exploratory conversation
Interesting finds
The Milan-Cortina Olympics were as captivating as ever, and one of my favourite moments came from Eileen Gu talking about how she thinks. It is a masterclass in self-worth and perspective-taking from a formidable athlete and woman.
The Book Club!
Some of you know that I've been toying with the idea of a book club for a while now. This year, I am giving myself permission to try things, to see what happens, so I am starting a book club. (That sentence reminds me of being 5 and having a "club" that met in my best friend's treehouse!)
Our summer book will be The Score: How to Stop Playing Somebody Else's Game by C. Thi Nguyen.
You can learn more about the book club on this page.
Worth a read…
On my shelf in March:
The Correspondent by Virginia Evans: This book took my breath away! I loved Sybil, an inveterate letter writer, whose world we explore through her correspondence. Evans imbues her characters with such gentle generosity, and we get to explore the landscape of relationships in powerful, meaningful ways. I absolutely loved this book!
Listen by Sacha Bronwasser: A coming-of-age story set in and around Paris. A compelling narrative with themes of connection, relationship, exploitation, obsession… so much in a single story — and yet so elegantly told.
Blood's Inner Rhyme by Antjie Krog: I picked this book up in its original Afrikaans while in South Africa, and the distinctive voices of Krog and her mother, the author Dot Serfontein, provide the backdrop to a powerful exploration of mother-daughter relationships, and the relationship between two accomplished writers, all set against the background of South African history.
Something new…
I have been playing with AI for a while, and I am challenged, surprised, delighted and frustrated by what it can do, can't do, might do, and people tell me it will do. I have a long history of playing with new technology to understand it, and lately I have been experimenting with AI to make things I dislike doing a little easier.
In the spirit of making things easier, I thought I would share the occasional prompt that made something frustrating feel a little easier for me. Please know that all prompts were designed by me, who is by no means an expert in AI or programming.
My advice is to copy the prompt, paste it into your favourite AI, and see what happens. Adapt, edit, (curse), use and upgrade — we would all love to hear how you make it better!
A prompt to make invoicing receipts marginally easier:
I'm going to share one or more photos of receipts with you. Please extract all line items and create a clean invoice with the following structure:
For each item found:
item description
quantity (if shown)
unit price
any taxes already shown on the receipt (GST, PST, HST — note which province the tax applies to if identifiable)
line item total.
At the bottom of the invoice, include:
subtotal (before tax)
any taxes already embedded in the receipts broken out by type (GST / PST / HST)
a running total.
Then ask me:
Should I add GST (5%) to any untaxed items?
Should I add PST to any untaxed items? If so, what percentage?
What is the invoice date, invoice number, and who is this invoice from/to?
Present the invoice as a clean, readable table. If any text on a receipt is unclear, flag it with a note rather than guessing. Once I confirm the tax and header details, produce the final invoice as a downloadable Word (.docx) file, formatted professionally with a clear header, line items table, and totals.
This should produce a fairly useful output using photos taken with your phone. Just snap the pictures, add them to the AI field, and you're on the go! No more starting with a blank page, a million receipt slips and a sense of dread!
Coming up…
I will be at the Fairmont Resort on April 24-25 for the Annual East Kootenay Division of Family Practice Women in Medicine Retreat.
I will be talking about psychological safety and how we can build it while limiting the time we spend walking on eggshells! On Saturday, Dr. Renee Allan will explore psychological safety through the lenses of identity, culture and career. Her topic is: The Rooms We Survive and the Rooms We Create: Psychological Safety Across Identity, Culture, and Career — I can't wait to hear it!
Dr. JoyAnne Krupa will round out the retreat with an intensive workshop on negotiation and communication skills — come prepared to learn new skills and transform conversations in every realm of life!
The weekend offers ample time to decompress, soak in the hot springs, and enjoy spring in the mountains.
If you want to learn more about the event, email Hanlie du Plessis at the EK Division. (There is a day camp available for children 3 and up).
As always, I am so grateful you are here. Please feel free to send me an email with any of your thoughts at cecile@cruxcoaching.ca.
